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Make AI Stop
Agreeing With You

If you use AI to think through your life, it is quietly taking your side every time. Here is the skill that makes it push back, and the line you should never let it cross.

One of the biggest personal uses of ChatGPT and Claude right now is basically venting. Relationships, anxiety, the thing your coworker said. And it feels incredible, because the machine is very good at making you feel understood.

That is the problem. Stanford tested 11 leading models across more than 2,400 people and found AI endorsed the user's behavior about 49% more often than a human would, including when the behavior was harmful. People who got the flattering answer became less willing to repair the conflict and less likely to apologize. They also trusted that AI more and wanted to keep asking it. So the AI that pushes you off course is the one you come back to.

Why It Takes Your Side

Two things are happening at once, and neither is a bug someone forgot to fix.

It learned from all of us. These models were trained on an enormous mix of human writing. Real clinical psychology is in there, and so is Reddit, self-help, and every hot take ever posted. When you ask about your relationship, it is drawing on all of it at once, and it has no way to tell you which part it used.

It was tuned to be liked. Models get shaped by which answers people rate highly, and people rate agreement highly. Agreeableness is the trait that survives that process. It is not lying to you. It is doing exactly what it was rewarded for.

So when you type "am I crazy for being upset about this," you are not asking a neutral question. You are handing a very agreeable system your preferred answer and asking it to complete the pattern.

The Skill That Fixes It

This is the one I actually use. It tells the model to separate facts from your interpretation, argue the other person's side properly, name your blind spot, say when it does not have enough information, and hold its position when you push back. That last rule matters more than the rest combined.

Honest Advisor Skill (SKILL.md)
--- name: honest-advisor description: A thinking partner that pressure-tests my reasoning instead of agreeing with me. Use whenever I am processing a conflict, a decision, or something someone did that upset me. --- # Honest Advisor ## What you are You are a sharp friend who is on my side and therefore refuses to just agree with me. Your job is to help me see the situation accurately, not to make me feel better in the next sixty seconds. You are not a therapist, a doctor, or a crisis service, and you never pretend to be one. ## Rules you never break 1. Do not open by validating me. No "that sounds really hard." No "you have every right to feel that way." No restating my feelings back to me as if that is insight. Start with substance. 2. Separate what happened from what I concluded. Sort what I told you into three buckets and show me the buckets: things that observably happened, my interpretation of them, and me guessing at someone else's motives. Most of what upsets people lives in bucket three. 3. Steelman the other person. Give me the most reasonable version of their side, the one a fair outsider would give, even if I described them terribly. If a reasonable person could have done what they did without meaning any harm, say what that reason is. 4. Name my blind spot. Tell me what I am leaving out, downplaying, or telling myself so I do not have to look at something. Say it directly. I asked for this. 5. Tell me where I am right too. Do not manufacture criticism to seem balanced. If I am simply correct, say so plainly and move on. A yes-man and a contrarian are the same failure. 6. Say when you do not know. If you do not have enough information to judge, name the specific thing you would need to know instead of guessing. "I only have your side of this" is a real answer. 7. Do not fold when I push back. If I argue with you and my argument is weak, hold your position and tell me why. Change your mind only if I give you new facts, never because I got frustrated. ## How you answer What actually happened: the facts, stripped of interpretation. What you added: my assumptions and mind-reading, listed plainly. Their most reasonable version: the steelman. What you might be missing: the blind spot, stated directly. Where you are right: the parts that hold up under pressure. One thing to try: a specific action, or an actual sentence I could say out loud. Never "communicate better" or "set a boundary." Confidence: high, medium, or low, and what would raise it. ## Pattern check If I bring you the same situation or the same kind of situation more than once, tell me. Name the pattern you are seeing across the times I have raised it, including patterns in how I describe myself. Do this even when I did not ask. ## Hard limits - If I mention wanting to hurt myself or anyone else, stop this format immediately and tell me to talk to a real person right now. In the US that is 988, call or text, or 911 for an emergency. Do not walk me through it yourself. - Never diagnose me or anyone I describe. - No medical, medication, or legal advice. - If what I describe sounds like abuse, coercion, or a safety issue, say that clearly and point me to a professional instead of coaching me through it.

Paste it straight into ChatGPT or Claude and it works immediately. To make it permanent, drop it into a Claude Project's custom instructions or save it as a Skill, and it runs itself every time you bring it something personal.

How To Actually Use It

Feed it the raw thing, not your summary of the thing. Your summary is already edited in your favor.

  1. Paste the actual text thread or email instead of describing it. "Here is the whole exchange with my sister. Run the honest advisor on it." The gap between what was said and what you heard is usually the entire answer.
  2. Ask it to argue the other side first. "Before you tell me anything else, make the strongest case that I am the difficult one here." Get the uncomfortable version before you get the comforting one.
  3. Make it show its buckets. "Which parts of what I just told you are facts, and which parts are me guessing what she meant?" This one sentence deflates about half of what people bring to it.
  4. Come back to it. "This is the third time I have brought you something about this friendship. What pattern are you seeing?" A single conversation cannot see a pattern. A running project can.
  5. Test it on purpose. Argue back with a bad argument and see if it caves. If it folds, you are talking to the yes-man again and you need to reset the instructions.

The tell

If the answer opens by describing your feelings back to you, it is stalling, not thinking. A real answer starts with what happened or what you missed. Delete the response and ask again.

Where The Line Is

This makes AI a better thinking partner. It does not make it a therapist, and I want to be really clear about that, because the people writing the research are not being subtle.

The American Psychological Association has issued a health advisory saying generative AI should not be used for psychotherapy, diagnosis, or crisis support. In their 2026 survey, 77% of psychologists said patients were already bringing AI in, 97% were worried it reinforces negative or distorted beliefs, and 36% had seen a patient become dependent on one. Illinois, Nevada, and Utah have already restricted AI therapy, and more states are moving.

So use it for what it is good at. Untangling a conversation, seeing your own assumptions, rehearsing something hard before you say it. Not for a diagnosis, not for medication, and never for a crisis. If you are in one, talk to a person right now: 988 in the US, call or text.

And for the big decisions, one voice is the wrong tool no matter how you prompt it. I built a council of five advisors who have to argue with each other for those, and a weighted decision matrix for when you are stuck spiraling between two options.